Tuesday, January 13, 2004


Seems there have been a lot of phases and stages in my life. Many times I have set off on a path that I thought I either had to do or something that I thought I wanted to do, only to find out after trying it that it wasn't what I wanted. I've never been totally convinced that it wasn't what I wanted as much as not something I was good at. I need to be good at it. Most of the time I try things only to find that I suck at whatever it is. 
So, in my ongoing quest to "find myself" I am returning to school next week, to take acting classes. This new phase presents a particular challenge to me this time since I am neither sure that I can do what I have chosen nor am I sure I will even be comfortable in the classes as the "by far oldest" one in the class. I will most probably even be far older than the instructor. This freaks my out. 
I don't know why but I find I am scared of the kids. Now intellectually I know that is the stupidest thing I could be thinking, but emotionally I feel this need to fit in somehow. 
How do I fit in at this point and why do I feel like I have to? I definately won't be going with my gray roots since I have a hair appointment Friday and what about those new jeans, aren't they cut just a little younger that I was wearing them last year? I guess part of this will be to come to terms with my stage in life now. I'm trying to do that, it just isn't as simple as it sounds. I will go kicking and screaming into this new stage. At least I'm not making surgery appointments, it's crossed my mind though. 
In trying to live our life through all the varying "phases and stages", do we worry too much about the outside and not enough about the only part we can control---------the inside? 
At the bottom of this post is a link for comments, please feel free to share with me some of your thoughts on what you just read.  

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